Oh my ‘Murican friends – I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!!

Happy turkeyfriendsfamilytofurkeyfootballstuffingpumpkinpie day!

(Celebrating with you abroad. Don’t worry – the Vikings were watched. We’re not heathens.)

Phew. I gotta say, if this last week is any indication of what life is going to be like now that I’m a real grownup, I think I’m going to have to start going to bed earlier.

My brain hurts. Last week in the office was ah-may-zing but oh my, I crammed an awful lot into the ol’ noggin’. Which is good and is exactly the reason I went for a week-long work visit to Minneapolis. I’m working on a big, fancy new project and before I can write about it, I had to figure out what exactly is going on, so I spent hours pestering some oh-so-patient developers with “so, you might have said this already, but where do I find that XML?” and “which action initiates the sync again?”

(Lol – I totally make it sound like I know what I’m talking about, right?)

My heart hurts. Being with my coworkers was oh-so-wonderful. We went out for lunch and for happy hour and for DQ and chatted in the kitchen and hugged and laughed and swapped kid updates. And in a happy/sad way, I said goodbye to a good friend on my team (happy because he’s got another job and he timed his last day with me being present to send him off, but also sad because he’s got another job and he timed his last day with me being present to send him off!). And I got a new boss, which is totally fine (and again, very nice to be there in person to get the news) but I’ve now said goodbye to two great bosses in under a year so there’s that.

My spirit hurts. The election. Oy. I’m not going to comment much on a macro level; y’all know where I stand and my Face.book feed is full of people expressing their sadness and concern much more eloquently than I could. And I’m reluctant to be too vocal because I really, really don’t want to appropriate a grief and dismay that aren’t really mine.

We’re in such an odd place down here. Completely vested in what’s going on, yet with no say. Presenting as the “perfect” nuclear family, yet here only because we’re immigrants who “stole American jobs” (although, since we’re a white heterosexual couple that speaks excellent English, I believe the preferred term is “expats”). Even if I commiserate, I feel disingenuous and that people are thinking judgmentally “easy for her to say – she’s got the double golden ticket of a green card AND a Canadian passport if things really go south.”

We might have a “get out of jail free” card, but it is still so hard to be here right now. There is so much division and frustration and anger and fear. The election may be over, but it feels like the anxiety and distrust it’s exposed is only getting started. And so very painful is watching the Church tear itself apart. It’s kinda hard to be a Christian here right now.

But I am, and I’ve found solace in listening to this album on repeat this week, particularly this song:

And I am hopeful. My churches both preached unity and loving better on Sunday. I see people on both sides trying to engage one another and listen. I see so many who have been emboldened to stand strong for love and justice and peace.

We see this even in our home. The Girl contemplated joining the high school walkout today, and we were able to have a long talk about how we can best use finite time and resources for the most good. She came home from school with stories of every. single. locker. displaying a note of acceptance today and posters declaring love and solidarity all around the school. The student leaders at her school are organizing open forums and shows of support even as they call for students to protest not by walking out of school but by staying the course and investing in their education as another tool in their struggle to make the world a better place.

This might be the last election I have to sit out as an innocent bystander. I alternate these days between searching for jobs in British Columbia and tallying up how many days we have to wait until we can apply for citizenship. I simultaneously want to get the heck outta here AND double down on our American adventure and throw my lot in with this country, about which and whose inhabitants I have come to love so much. It’s a strange, in-between place, but until we decide one way or the other (or it’s decided for us), I continue to be inspired by Jeremiah’s words to the Israelites who were so far from home:

Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper. (Jeremiah 29:7)

In which I embrace the cliche of “mid-life introspection.” And warning – this one’s long. But it’s my party and I can blog if I want to.

You guys – I made it! I’ve been waiting to turn 40 for ages now and it feels like my chronological age has finally caught up to my soul age!

So much of this last decade has been figuring out who I am. And I think when you arrive at 40, society finally says it’s ok to relax into that identity. (Or maybe you stop caring about outside opinions. I did wear leggings as pants the other day….)

I’ve come to terms with the fact that there’s a lot of things I’m supposed to like/be good at, but I just don’t:  Interior decorating. Shopping. Oranges. Fashion. Sushi. Standing at concerts. Playing with children. Planning vacations. Sitting still for an entire movie. IPAs. Going out more than once a week. Fancy coffee. Group exercise.

Instead, having found freedom from worrying about being inferior, I have so much space to lean into the things I do love. Baking bread. Spinach. Yet another book about simple living. Hiking. Churching. Cardigans (bonus if there’s a pocket for Kleenex). Semicolons. Four free evenings in a row.

My favourite quote (it’s a birthday post. Of course there’s a quote!) is from Colette:

What a wonderful life I’ve lived. If only I’d realized it sooner.

Since I discovered it, I vowed I would realize it now. That I would open my eyes to the wonder around me. That I would never lose sight of the quotidian glory that so easily gets ignored for its very familiarity.

And so, my love letter to the universe:

Thank you for this perfect fit of a city in which I find myself. For its relaxed pace and authenticity and delicious beer and its embracing of my family. And for surrounding me with beauty:

Thank you for fulfilling work. For its variety and its challenges. For friends who love me and who love correct indentation in equal measure. For an office with a ten-second commute that allows for welcome kid snuggle interruptions.

Thank you for extended family. For brothers who helped rub off my rough edges. For inlaws who ignore pesky things like biological connection when defining “family.”

Thank you for my bestest girls. The ones who cancel Christmas and hop on a plane because you need them. Who sit beside you while you watch a Jamie Oliver marathon and give you space to sob. Who go for A&W coffee after every practice. Who know that broken hearts are mended with kitty cat mugs.

Thank for this guy.

Thank you for that glimmer of hope that sustained us through picking up the pieces of a shattered marriage. Thank you for making that long fight worth it and for a happily ever after every single day.

Thank you for these nerds.

Who knew my heart could get so big and so full? Who knew you could get a do-over? Who knew you could be inspired to set aside your selfishness with joy? Who knew teenagers were hilarious and smart and kind?

Thank you for Jesus. For embodying love and grace and for filling me with it. And for teaching me to see it thrumming through the world.

And, because none of this would exist otherwise, thank you for these two:

As a parent of teenagers myself: “Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry – I had no idea.” This one’s for you.

You guys, if this is all I get, it’s enough. Happy birthday to me!

The stars aligned and we all had the day off today, so we decided it was high time for a family adventure!

(I standardly don’t work on Fridays as it’s typically my “how did this house get like this AGAIN and why is there no food in the fridge and time to whip this place back into shape” day. The Husband gets every other Friday off because he works for a non-profit. And the kids were off today for their first day off in what I’m calling “No-School November.”

[Seems as though Portland Public Schools is doubling down on their “classroom time doth not an education guarantee” gamble and are requiring our kids’ presence for about half the days this month. Since The Boy is currently watching movies in two of his classes, I’m not even sure that the half he IS present is making that much of a difference.])

Anywho, we took advantage of the gorgeous weather and headed out into the Columbia River Gorge to check out a cute little town called Hood River.

Of course, this being Oregon, we had to stop en route for a quick hike and one of the ubiquitous waterfalls.

We’ve taken to calling them “Nature Walks” because for some reason the “H” word makes them both start whining and complaining, although once they get out there, they usually come around.

(How can you NOT smile when you’re surrounded by a glowing forest?)

It was a super easy “nature walk” since it was only about a mile and it was paved. Look at that leaf! It’s bigger than my head! Along the way, The Boy astonished me with a detailed geology lesson of exactly how the gorge was created and The Girl answered The Husband’s brain stumpers before I’d even started figuring out whether the red ball or the blue ball cost a dollar, so maybe that school is teaching them something after all.

Hood River was great! Shockingly (or not, given the places we tend to visit), it’s littered with breweries, so we quenched our nature-walk-produced thirst with some brews for both grownups and munchkins.

There was also some pretty amazing wood-fired pizza!

Then we strolled around downtown and did a little bit of shopping. The Husband bought a rocket (the model kind), The Boy got the latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book, The Girl got a mini notebook and pen, and I scored an awesome vintage picture/thermometer combo at Goodwill and a new family game.

We rounded up all this awesomeness with a mini-nature walk down by the river.

And, bless his heart, an immediate cracking open of the latest book in a beloved series.

Forced family fun for the win!