Setting: 11:30 at night. A remote border outpost. A car rolls up to the guard house.

Border guard: Hello, bonjour.

Peitricia Mae: Hi!! [Hands over three tattered birth certificates]

BG: [eyes narrow] Do you have photo ID to go with these?

PM: No sorry I, uh, packed…oh wait! I have a driver’s license!

BG: Yes, that would be photo ID.

PM: [Rummages] Here you go!!

BG: Where do you live?

PM: Minneapolis.

BG: Purpose of your visit?

PM: Home for Christmas! [thinks, maybe I should tone down the exclamation points]

BG: And where’s “home”?

PM: Minneapolis! Oh wait, you mean for CHRISTMAS! Then Steinbach. We’re going home to Steinbach for Christmas.

BG: Relationship of everyone in the car?

PM: They’re my kids.

BG: [taking in frazzled crazy-looking woman driving car packed to the max for”just” a short trip, and two disheveled kids and concludes the obvious] You the sole guardian?

PM: Uh, no.

BG: Do you have a letter of permission from their father to travel with them?

PM: Um, no. But he’s coming to meet us for Christmas. He lives in Portland! [curses errant exclamation point]

BG: You’re gonna have to go park under the canopy and come inside.

PM: [sigh] Of course. Be right in.

[PM parks, quickly memorizes husband’s cell phone number, drags disheveled yawning kids inside – one wearing shorts – and presents herself to second border guard.]

BG2: We’ve asked you to come in because you don’t have any documentation from your husband giving you permission to travel with your children. Do you have a phone number where we can call him?

PM: [proudly] Yes! [writes it down and passes paper back]

BG2: [eyes narrow] Is there a name to go with this?

PM: Oh yeah, ha ha, I guess you’ll need that! [writes name]

BG2: [wearily] Alright ma’am, go have a seat. We’ll give him a call.

[Two minutes later]

BG2: Ok, ma’am, your husband confirmed everything. But next time, please remember that you need a letter of consent.

PM: [babbling with relief] Yes! Thank you so much! I’m so sorry! I’m so glad you checked! We’ll remember next time! Uh, come in kids, let’s go!

[Family wedges themselves back into car, and taillights disappear into Canadian wilderness]

End scene